A Victory or Failure?
by Godzilla Fan 2012
Summary: A small hint of what is to come in my future Madoka Magica story. He has hated her with a passion ever since they met, so why? After so many times, why did he save her?


**Hello everyone, and welcome to a short story by me: GodzillaFan2012!**

**Now, I would say that you can consider this flic a taste of what is to come (or a Oneshot or whatever) with my upcoming Puella Magi Madoka Magica story, but it won't reveal anything major about the flic accept who OC will be, but even then it won't spoil so much.**

**This**** is done in First-person ****format, telling a small story through the eyes of my OC.**

**This took me four days to complete.**

**Please comment, and enjoy!**

******************Disclaimer- I don't own ****Puella Magi Madoka Magica, it all belongs to Studio Shaft. I do, however, own one character, who will be in this flic.  
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A Victory or Failure?**  
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I couldn't quite classify my current situation as a victory; there was...something wrong with it to be called a victory. Perhaps it was the fact that a friend had to die for it to happen, or maybe it was because I was a factor that she had died. Or perhaps it was because the person I had wanted to save had not said a word since the battle had ended, not even now.

Yep, that was it.

It was about 12:30 in the morning and we were in her room; she was sitting by the wall, her legs brought up to her chest and her face buried in her knees. I stood in front of her about two feet away, standing stoically as I awaited her to say something; anything! We were both still in our armour.

Finally she spoke: "why?" she asked, her voice a hoarse rasp, "Why did you save me? The way I am now...there's no point to me being alive" I gave no answer, she would always do this when she hits rock bottom. She would go on and on about how worthless she was and how she was better off dead, after hearing it so many times it only bores me now.

That's how aloof I've become.

"Things would have been better that way" she continued sadly "you shouldn't of acted without considering my feeling" I could hear my already clenched fists crack audibly under the pressure as I clenched them tighter and narrowed my eyes at the girl. Couldn't she see that I had done what I did to save her _life_, so how could she say that I didn't take her feelings into consideration?

For God's sake, I even carried her home _bridal style!_

After a few minutes of palpable silence she looked up at me slightly and through her blue hair I saw how empty her eyes looked "why didn't you save her?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

I gave her an answer but I, as I always do, keep my voice devoid of all emotions "there was no way for me to save her. Once you become a witch, there is never a way back."

"You sliced her head off..." she responded quickly with venom.

"That wasn't her" I shot back evenly, her parents were asleep so I kept my voice low, "that was the Witch's avatar, it was merely using its old shell to its advantage" I felt tired, my body craved sleep but I first had to make sure that this girl didn't do anything foolish. There was going to be a lot more upcoming deaths but I didn't want her to die.

Not yet.

She lowered her head back into her knees and her shoulders begun to shake. How could I comfort her? What CAN I do to comfort her? The only person I was use to comforting was Ojōsama, whenever she needed the support or needed that shoulder to cry on I would always be there.

But that was a long time ago. The girl I was sent to protect had died, or at least a good part of her has, and now all that remains is a girl who has been harden by death and battles.

I am different, I was already harden by death but she brought part of me back, which now hurts me to see her acts the way she acts. But now I relish battles and bloodshed, and proving that I am the strongest in this city. And that no other Puella can defeat me.

So why, after so many times, why did I save her?

I stood there for what felt like hours, I was a stoic statue watching another Puella Magi fall to despair but thanks to me clearing her Soul Gem she wasn't going to become Oktavia Von Seckendorff anytime soon.

When her body slumped to one side I couldn't help but move forward slightly in shock, ready to offer my help, but she said "leave me alone" she sounded more tired than angry "I'm not worth your kindness, so don't waste it on me" now that she was on her side I could see her face clearly. But still I remained stoic as I saw tears roll down her face and armour disappear in a flash of blue light and her attire become that of her school uniform "hey...back then" she begun to sound low and distant "if I hadn't of been so stubborn...would...Kyoko...?" she fell asleep before she finished her sentence but I already knew what she was going to ask.

Walking silently I pulled the cover of her bed to one side and picked Sayaka Miki up in bridal style once again.

I wouldn't dare undress her.

As I placed the covers over her I noticed her Soul Gem which had materialized when her Puella outfit disappeared, I picked it up and examined it. It was perfectly clean, and it glowed a healthy sky blue. I then looked at my own Soul Gem which rested comfortable on my chest, where my heart would be located; it was in its hexagon shape and glowed a perfect sapphire blue.

As I placed her Soul Gem on the desk next to her bed I paused at I looked at the now peaceful face of Sayaka Miki.

I then begun to ponder my current inner turmoil.

"Why did I save you?" I asked softly, as I brushed a fringe of her blue hair out of her face with the back of right hand, my face then twisted up with confusion "I should hate you as I have since you treat Ojōsama so harshly back then, so why? Why do I feel the urge to see that you don't fall into despair?" I was talking to the sleeping form of the girl who I hated with a passion, who I could easily kill right here right now.

So very easily.

I could take her Soul Gem in my hand and crush with little to no force. Or I could mangle her body so bad that she will be nothing more than a bleeding lump of flesh. Those last dark thoughts cause me to think about Kyoko, and what I had to play a part in her fate.

She had come to Mitakihara, as she seemed to always do, after the death of Mami Tomoe and once she heard of Sayaka she instantly wished to exterminate her. I believe that it was because she felt that it would have been improper for a new Magical Girl to look after a city like this. However, after two encounters her attitude had changed, as it always did. She had begun to reach out to Sayaka, trying to help her from falling into despair as she begun to regret her wish.

I had learnt from the past timelines that it was Kyoko's words that lead to Sayaka become a Witch, so I decided to intervene.

I caught her on top of a building, where no one would stop me. I told her to stay away from Sayaka and leave the city, warning her that if she didn't she would face dire consequences. Of course, she didn't take what I said seriously and rebuffed me rudely, so I backhanded her hard. A fight broke out between us and although I didn't like wasting my magical energy I felt the need to let loose some pent up anger, when the fight grew I relished on the sounds of Kyoko's bones breaking and smiled in pleasure as I saw blood fly out of the wounds I inflicted on her. Until finally I ended it and left her a squalling mess on the roof but rather than kill her right there and then, I left.

Despite the hoarse voice of Kyoko ordering me to come back, stating that we were not finished. I think it was safe to say that we were done talking.

Sayaka herself must have said something because I felt a massive energy spike when Kyoko transformed into her witch form, which was named Ophelia by that little bastard Kyubay. It was the first time I had seen Kyoko in her Witch form and part of me prayed that it would be the last ; even Ojōsama herself looked shaken by what she saw. Half way through the battle the Witch used her avatar and it was the first time I had ever seen Kyoko's eager fang grin twisted and demented with madness.

In the end me and Ojōsama killed her with a grenade and my Light of Death attack, when Kyoko's fathers church came crashing down in fire and rubble Ojōsama turned on her heels sharply and told me it was time to leave.

She couldn't hide the pain in her voice, not from me.

And as I was about to follow that order when I took notice of a still human Madoka Kaname, tightly holding deadpan looking Sayaka. Something in me twisted at the sight, something that I couldn't identify but I then knew that we couldn't just leave them here. So, I politely told Ojōsama to take Madoka home and I would take Sayaka back to her home, Ojōsama was taken off by my words but she never the less complied. She's always had that soft spot for Madoka, and would do anything to spend some kind of attachment towards her that wouldn't be ruined by the depressing loom of despair.

As soon as they were gone, I stared into the eyes of the girl I loathe with every moral fibre of my being and coldly said "let's go."

I turn on my heel and walked forward; knowing that at this point in time Sayaka would pretty much anything without a damn. But then I heard the sound similar to that of a bag of potatoes falling to the ground, I turned and saw Sayaka on her hands and knees. She was exhausted, as was her magic powers. Acting fast, I placed Kyoko's Grief Seed to Sayaka's Soul Gem and her corruption left her instantly.

Pocketing the Seed, I then picked up the tired girl up in bridal style and teleported to the area of her home. As I slowly walked to her house I noticed the light blush that she had on her face as she looked shyly away, perhaps she wasn't so detach after all? It was her that opened her house door and I silently walked up the stairs and into her room.

Which had then lead to the events that had transpired a few moments ago.

I sighed as I came back to the present, looking back at Sayaka's sleeping face, contemplating what I should do next. Something told me that Ojōsama will not get to her goal of saving Madoka so easily but of recently she seemed to be detaching herself from the others, including me, all in a way to save Madoka.

Truthfully, I hate seeing Ojōsama heartlessly throw away those she used to hold so close just for the sake of one life but I can never say that to her face. To her, as I see it now, that would be no more than an act of betrayal.

That and I'm too much of a coward to say it.

As I looked at Sayaka's face I contemplated my feelings for her, I wouldn't say that this feeling is love (I'm not even sure what love feels like) but I wouldn't exactly say that it's pure hate either.

It's somewhere in the middle.

Maybe it's respect, or envy or maybe even pity.

Yes, that was it!

That's why I saved her, I pity her. Sayaka has always fallen into despair no matter how many times me and Ojōsama try to change her fate, and she has always been the same proud justice-lover from when we first met in the fourth repeat, and it is her attitude that I have always despised. But part of me has always respected her judgment and morality, no matter how annoying it is, and as I watch her fight and defend that morality...

I can always see myself. Or at least, a part of me that died a very long time ago.

I shook my head at the thoughts; perhaps me and Sayaka were more similar than I had previously thought and maybe, just maybe, I might be able to look past her flaws. I looked at the clock on the wall (the darkness has never once stopped me) and saw that the time was 12:55. Ojōsama might, and I use the term 'might' very loosely, be wondering where I am.

Looking back at Sayaka, I decided to leave with some kind words.

It might be the last chance I get to.

"I don't know what the future holds for us" I started softly, placing my hand on Sayaka's forehead, "I know that my mistress will not stop until Madoka Kaname's fate is permanently changed but..." I trailed off, what was the point of saying this? We'll just end up repeating this month all over again, and only because Madoka will end up dying in the end!

Why the hell should I bother saying kind things to a girl who I might end up killing over and over aging?!

Pushing my melancholia and angst deep within my heart, I finished with: "I will try...and find a way that will let us _all_ live in happiness. All of us" after saying such an embarrassing line I removed my hand from my enemy's head and turned around. Without giving her a second glance, I teleported out of her room and to outside the front door of her house.

I walked forward slowly with my head lowered, my feelings were still raging a war within me, but I stopped when I saw a shadow. A shadow of a person, standing a few feet in front of me. Raising my head I sucked in a breath of air as my brown eyes met with cold purple ones, the eyes of my Ojōsama: Homura Akemi.

She must have come looking for me (I'm amazed that she did) why did the thought make my heart beat so fast?!

After seconds of palpable silence, my mistress addressed me "I trust that she didn't do anything foolish?" I have long come to know that the tone my mistress uses when she asks questions is the tone that demands an answer, nothing more.

So I gave one "yes" I answered quickly and respectfully "she asleep now, I believe she will be of no farther danger to us, Ojōsama" even I couldn't believe that.

But in any case, Ojōsama nodded and then said "then let's go" I nodded in response and walked forward to her, keeping eye contact the whole time and neither one of use showing our embarrassment (well, I wasn't anyway), and once I was close to her I placed my arm on her shoulder and we teleported away.

In the blink of an eye we appeared on the head of the road to our apartment, which lied dead ahead of us. I was a few steps behind Ojōsama when we slowly walked down to our home, home.

Heh; it wasn't really a home at all. A home is a place you can go back to, a place that you share with someone special to you, a place you can leave once you're done with it.

Our apartment wasn't a home, it is a prison. We are trapped in it for it is the only place we have left to go, the only place we have left to stay in, the only place Ojōsama's parents could afforded on such short notice.

As my mind rattled on how we were hopelessly trapped in this hell, I didn't notice Ojōsama stop walking and I blindly walked forward past her. When I finally snapped out of my daze, I turned around to see Ojōsama pinching the bridge of her nose, one of the first signs in a long time that she has openly shown her fatigue. I heard her sigh, so softly that I almost thought it was another noise entirely, and she then asked "what's wrong, Josh?"

I flinched openly, I didn't have to act so refined around Ojōsama as she did have to act so indifferent towards me, she must of seen that I was troubled. But I didn't want to tell her "nothing's wrong, Ojōsama, I'm fine" I must of looked so foolish, a sixteen year old being scared of a girl two years younger than him.

But I had my reasons.

"You're a terrible liar" Ojōsama said, removing her hand as she stared at me with stone cold eyes "you been trouble since this timeline started, but you haven't said a word about to anyone or to me, for that matter-"

"Because there's no one _to_ talk too, Ojōsama" I interrupted her disrespectfully, I was really tired and I didn't want to her say that I should talk to someone when I end up killing the only people I people I know. That and what good would it do, as I've stated: we're trapped.

Ojōsama glared at me "What do you mean you have no one to talk too?" she asked, her voice on a dangerous edge.

I narrowed my eyes at her, I opened my mouth to rebuff her but no words came out at all. I was too tired to argue with her. Sighing, I just muttered "what's the point of me talking? My words hardly matter..."

Ojōsama glared at me more but she then looked to the side and her glare intensified, I believe she was pondering on some kind information inside her head. After she gave an aggregative sigh, Ojōsama turned back to me with her eyes closed and said in a tired voice "look josh, I know I've changed a great deal since I promised I would save Madoka" That was an understatement, she's become a completely different person since she made that _stupid_ promise, "and I know I've become aloof and distant towards the others" again an understatement, I hardly saw her bat an eyelid when she punched Mami in her solar plexus (though it was amusing to see), "but just because I don't show it doesn't mean I don't care about you" Wait, what? Did I hear her right?

Ojōsama opened her eyes and I couldn't believe the amount of care and worry those brilliant eyes gave of as I gazed into them "you're my friend, Josh, in fact you're one of the only people I have left in my life" I really must be tired, because I think I can see Ojōsama's cheeks going pink slightly, "so..." suddenly she sounded so small, just like back then.

"Tell me, Josh, what's bothering you?"

I felt my heart clench with guilt, how could I ever have thought to be angry at my Ojōsama?! I should have know, better than _anyone_, that she _did_ care, she just did not like to show it. I am the same; I don't let anyone know how I'm feeling. Not even her. Sighing, I said with utter respect "I apologise, Ojōsama" my voice was hollow with sleepiness "I just...feel guilty for the fate that had befallen Kyoko, she...didn't deserve it..." I sounded like Madoka, how disgusting.

"You know that her fate is something that will befall all Puella Magis" Ojōsama said with regret "even you" I'm a Puerum Magi, I don't know what I'll become when my sins catch up with me and destroy my future.

"I know" I said mournfully "but I..." I put a hand over my face, God I am so tired.

Ojōsama seemed to notice this but my drowsy mind was too slow to react when she gently wrapped her arms around me, with her head in my chest. I felt heat rise to my face but did my damndest to surpass it, after seconds of standing shock I slowly wrapped my own arms around Homura's small back as I returned the hug. We stood there in comfortable silence for a few seconds, before I broke it by asking "do you really think we'll succeed?"

Homura knew exactly what I was referring to "yes" she murmured, her soft breath brushing against me.

"How can you be so certain?" this might be the only chance I'll get at know what goes through my mistress's head, so I didn't want to pass it up "after all we've been through and all we've seen...how do you retain hope?"

Homura was silent for a few seconds, she seemed to be contemplating the answer before she pulled away from me and looked up at me as she said "I still have hope...because I believe that one day we will all be free, and we will all rise up and defeat Walpurgisnacht together."

That name sent shivers down my spine, the Witch Queen will be here next Monday as always and if we can't defeat it then it will be this month all over again.

Homura laid her delicate yet strong hands in mine "always remember that, Josh. You and me, together we will change the destinies of our friends" Homura then gave me something I thought I would never see again: a small, pure smile.

And with that, she walked around me and headed to our apartment.

I stood there, dumbfounded, unsure what I could say to all that but I did know one thing: Ojōsama wasn't completely gone; maybe she wasn't even gone at all. That cute girl I spent six months looking after had only matured, quite a great deal at that. Suddenly my fears seemed small and distant, like Ojōsama's words had sucked the worry clean out of me.

I smiled in spite of myself, maybe there really was hope for us, maybe we really will break free of theses chains that binned to this horrible month…and maybe, just maybe, I can look forward to a peaceful future with my friends; and with Homura.

"Josh?" the soft voice of my Ojōsama caused me to turn, that smile never left my face as I looked back at her, and I replied simply with "I'm coming, Ojōsama."

Even if I have my doubts, even if sometimes I'm so scared that I won't stop shaking, even if I kill the ones that I once called my friends over and over again, this is the path I chose. Because of the wish I made. So whatever the future has to throw at me, I will take it and fight back with everything I have.

Because that was the promise I made, to her.

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**And there you have it, a taste of what is to come!**

**Please tell me if you enjoyed it and if you will like to see more!**

**Until next time, this is GodzillaFan2012 signing off!**


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